


Hidden

by marileal



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-09 23:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15278466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marileal/pseuds/marileal
Summary: " “Do you want to, um, maybe…go out with me later?”The blond seems nervous. Is he asking me on a date? I stare at him with big eyes and look around us to see if any of the supervisors are paying attention to our conversation. No one seems to be around.“Um, w-we…. t-that’s not allowed Even” I whisper. "AKA: the boarding school AU.





	1. Elite School For Boys

The ringing sound of the alarm tells me it’s 7:30. I pull the blanket over my head, foolishly trying to make the sound disappear. Getting up means my senior year is about to start, and I really don’t want that to happen. I’m not ready for one more year in this place. Even if it’s the last one.

“Come on Isak. You don’t want Marcos to come in here, do you?” I hear Jonas’s familiar voice, asking from somewhere on my left.

Marcos is our dormitory’s supervisor. He would most definitely yell at me and take my blanket away if he thought I was going to be late for class. So no, I don’t want him to come in.

I throw my covers to the side and get up at once. Jonas’ bed, which thankfully is right next to mine, is already made and he seems to be about to go to the bathroom. The only good thing that came from this horrible school is my friendship with Jonas. I would have gone crazy if I didn’t have him here.

“It’s our last year man. We can do this” he smiles at me and it seems genuine.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever” I respond with the usual grumpiness in my voice.

Jonas rolls his eyes but still has a grin on his face. He walks towards the bathroom with a toiletry bag on his hand and his uniform on the other.

There are 10 boys in this dormitory. I don’t really talk to any of them besides Jonas. I don’t bother them, they don’t bother me. Seems to work for us. I grab my own toiletry bag and uniform and head to the bathroom. Most of them seem to be pretty comfortable with changing around each other. I’d rather go to a toilet stall.

Once I’m done changing and brushing my teeth, I walk back to the dorm. Jonas is waiting for me by my bed.

“Ready?” the boy asks.

I nod and reach for my backpack. We walk all the way to the cafeteria together as usual. I will never get over how old this school is. The whole thing looks like a Goddamn church with its stone walls and high ceilings. Above the huge wood door that lead to the cafeteria we can read “Elite School For Boys” in cursive. I hate this sign so much. This whole school is so pathetic.

At the end of 8th grade I had the brilliant idea of telling my parents I thought I had feelings for one of my male friends. At the time, I really thought they were going to be nice and supportive but, oh boy was I wrong. They freaked out, never let me see my friend again and made me come to this damned school. Now, you must be wondering, why on earth did my parents think that sending me to a all boys school was a good idea when I pretty much told them I’m gay. I still haven’t figured it out either.

I realize I’ve been staring at the wooden sign for too long when Jonas looks at me funny.

“Are you coming in?” he frowns his eyebrows.

“Yep” I follow him.

We both grab a tray and walk towards the line to get food. At least I can say the food here is decent. I’m not much of a morning eater so, I grab an apple and a cup full of orange juice. Jonas fills his tray with everything he can find.

When we begin to move in the direction of an empty table, I decide to look around at all the new faces around me. I feel bad for all the freshman. At least this is my last year here.

I put my tray on the table and sit down. Jonas sits directly in front of me and immediately starts to eat a ham sandwich. To the right of Jonas’ head, I notice someone staring at me. At first I stare back at the blond boy, thinking that would discourage him but I quickly realize my strategy is not working. The boy raises his eyebrow and a small grin shows up on his face.

I frown my eyebrows and look down at my food. _What the hell?_

 

* * *

 

Thankfully, the first week of school went by uneventifully. I heard someone got detention for trying to sneak out on Wednesday, but that’s about it. Everyone in my grade seems to be very much focused on college. Maybe they’re just as desperate to leave this place as I am.

On Saturday I decide to go to the library to do some homework. I leave the cafeteria at around 9:00 and stop by the dorm to get my backpack. I can see some of the boys, including Jonas, are still sleeping. So I try to be as quiet as possible.

I’m walking through the stone walls corridors when I see the blond boy from the first day. He’s sitting on a bench, apparently doing his homework. I look at him for just a couple of seconds, but it seems to be enough for him to feel my eyes on him. He looks up, making me look at my feet and continue walking.

“Hey!” he says.

I tell myself that he’s not talking to me and continue to walk away. I mean, he doesn’t even know me, why would he be talking to me?

“Isak?” he tries again.

Ok, now I can’t pretend he’s not talking to me. I stop walking. He runs in my direction.

“There’s no running in the corridors, young man!” a sharp voice yells.

“Oh I’m sorry. I-I just… I’m sorry” the blond boy responds in a small voice.

He seems to be afraid of the hallway supervisor. He should be, everyone who works here sucks. I feel sorry for him, so I wait for him to get closer to me.

“Hey” the boy seems to be deciding what to say next.

“Hi” I reply, avoiding his eyes.

Now that he is close to me I can see how ridiculously handsome this guy is. His hair seems to be effortless pretty which made me jealous, and his eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue I have ever seen in my life. Did this boy just come out of a magazine or something?

“I’m Even” he offers his hand.

I take it and shake it for a second.

“Isak” I say.

He smiles and the first thing I notice is that I could look at it all day long. _Oh no_.

“That’s a random question but, are you friends with Sana Bakkoush?” Even asks, still smiling.

I look at him curiously, frowning my eyebrows.

“Um, yes actually. Do _you_ know her?”

“Yes! She’s one of my best friends! I’ve seen pictures of you guys together on facebook. It feels nice to see a familiar face, even though we don’t actually know each other, it was a relief to see you here. I mean this place is kind of scary and… Oh sorry, I’m talking too much, I’m just nervous.”

The words come out of his mouth very fast, which makes me chuckle.

“It’s ok Even, I know this place can be intimidating. It’s nice to meet you” I say with a smile.

The blond boy’s smile gets even bigger.

“It’s nice to met you too! I’ll let you go now, you seemed to be going somewhere” he starts to walk towards the bench where his backpack was on.

“Wait” the word comes out of my mouth before I can stop myself.

He looks back with curiosity on his face.

“I-I’m going to, um” I stutter nervously, “I’m going to the library, if you want to join me.”

Even’s whole face light up.

“Of course! Let me just get my things.”

 

* * *

 

“So, why did you end up in this place?” I ask him when we’re placing our things on a table next to a big window.

Even avoids my eyes.

“Oh, just some misunderstandings with my parents” he sits down and opens an anatomy book.

“Hey I’m in that class” I point to his book.

That seems to bring the sunshine back to his face.

“Wait, really? I haven’t seen you in my classroom though, when do you take it?”

I open my backpack and place a calculus book on the table.

“Right after lunch” I respond while opening a blue notebook.

Even seems disappointed.

“Aw, anatomy is my first class in the morning” he explains, “can you help me study for it though? I don’t think I’m very good at it.”

The blond looks worried. He looks so lost in this place.

“Um, sure. We can study before our tests” I tell him.

“Cool! I was starting to worry about this subject” Even frowns his eyebrows.

I guess that wouldn’t be that bad.

We spend the next 20 minutes focused on our homeworks. I was doing some math problems, he was doing something for anatomy. Even was so stupidly handsome, it was difficult not to stare at him sometimes. But I would look away whenever it seemed like he was about to place his gaze on me. He might get the wrong idea if he sees me glaring.

Looking at him makes me wonder what would it be like to actually be able to flirt with someone I’m actually interested in. I shouldn't think about that though. I’m very aware of the fact that homosexual interactions are extremely forbidden in this place. Just one of the many pleasures this school has to offer.

I get so distracted thinking about all the terrible rules they have here, I don’t notice when one of my pens falls on the floor, making a small clicking sound. Even reaches for it before I can even think about it.

“There you go” he gives me the sweetest smile.

_Oh my God, why is he so adorable and nice? Isn’t that like illegal here or something?_

When we’re both done with our work we start to pack our things in our bags.

“So what are you doing for the rest of the day?” Even asks me.

I keep my eyes on my backpack.

“Um, probably just hanging out with my friend Jonas” I reply.

That was a lie. Jonas has plans to go out with a girl later.

Even nodds, while closing his pencil case and placing it in his bag.

“Do you want to, um, maybe…go out with me later?”

The blond seems nervous. Is he asking me on a date? I stare at him with big eyes and look around us to see if any of the supervisors are paying attention to our conversation. No one seems to be around.

“Um, w-we…. t-that’s not allowed Even” I whisper.

The boy closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He seems embarrassed.

“Right. Of course not” he stares at the ceiling, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

He looks sad. Which makes my heart ache for a second. I look at one of his hands on top of the table. I’m about to squeeze it and tell him it’s ok, when I see one of the corridor supervisors getting in the library to do a round. I stare at the tall man dressed in black with anger in my eyes.

“I should probably go” Even says.

The boy grabs his backpack and pretty much runs out of the room. _Damnit._

 

* * *

 

In one of the many gardens in this school, there is a big fountain with a lion sculpture on top, with the water coming out of its mouth and everything. I spend the rest of my Saturday reading a book in front of that fountain. It’s my favorite spot in this place.

I’m upset about the way things turned out with Even. I didn’t mean to scare him away or hurt his feelings. I mean, I was shocked that someone as beautiful as him would even be remotely interested in me. At least now I know he’s into boys. But that just can’t happen in here. I don’t even know what they would do if they found out two students were dating. Probably punish us in some terrible way or kick us out.

The sun is beginning to disappear in the horizon, so I decide that I should probably go back in. I close my book, get up, and start to walk towards the back entrance of the school. When I’m walking through a flower garden not too far from where I was sitting, I spot a now familiar, blond head.

Even is laying on a bench with earbuds in his ears, looking at the sky. I place my gaze on him for a few seconds. He seems peaceful. The sunlight is touching his face on all the right places. The smart thing to do would be to walk away, but for some reason I just can’t. This boy seems to be all alone here, I know exactly what that feels like.

Before I can even stop myself, my legs begin to move towards his bench. My body blocks the sun, making a shadow over his torso. He looks up with curiosity and takes his earbuds out of his ears.

“I know we can’t go out or anything, but….  perhaps you’d be interested in being friends?” The words come out of my mouth really fast.

I stare at his beautiful blue eyes, hoping he would say yes. A smile shows up on his face, making my heart beat a little faster. Even sits up on the wooden bench.

“Yes please.”


	2. Detention

“So… Should we talk about the fact that I asked you out on Saturday?” Even blurs out with a grin.

We are sitting on a couch in one of the common areas they have near the dorms. It’s been exactly two days since I asked him if he wanted to be friends.

I roll my eyes and stare at him.

“You really need to be more careful around here” I tell him with a serious face.

I can see mischief all over his beautiful eyes.  

“ _You_ need to relax.”

I sigh in annoyance, close the book I was reading and place my gaze on him.

“Even, I’ve been here longer. Just listen to me, alright” I shoot my eyebrows up.

The boy looks disappointed.

“Ok, I just wanted to make sure we were good” he says in a small voice and grabs his phone out of his pocket.

I open the book on my lap and go back to reading. A few minutes later, I found myself looking at Even out of the corner of my eyes. He looks annoyed, which makes me upset. So I decide to lighten the mood. I look around to make sure none of the school employees are too close. I see one tall guy dressed in all black near the entrance of the room, but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to us.

“I mean, I get it. I _am_ irresistible, after all” I say it as a matter of factly.

I try to hide my face with the book I’m holding, so he won’t see the stupid grin I have on right now. Even takes the object from my hands abruptly, which makes me giggle. He gets closer to me on the couch. Our arms are almost touching now. I try not to think about it. Even’s looking at me with a surprised face. His eyebrows are up and he’s smiling.

“Excuse me?”   

A chuckle comes out of my mouth and I avoid his eyes.

“What?” I frown my eyebrows and try to look innocent.

“You were the one who asked me to go on a study date with you in the first place!”

Even tries to sound serious but a smile shows up on the corner of his lips.

“I mean, I have eyes. You’re like super hot and—” I cover my lips with my hands before anything else comes out of it.

Jesus fucking Christ. Did I just tell him, to his face, that I think he’s super hot?!

Even’s eyebrows are all the way up and his lips are partially open. He looks like he’s having too much fun with this.

“No I didn’t actually mean—”

I try to come up with an excuse but he doesn’t let me finish.

“So you think I’m hot?” He gets a little too close to me and whispers.

I can feel goosebumps showing up all over my body. I move a little further away from him and avoid his eyes. The supervisor in our room is standing closer to our couch, but is still not looking in our direction.

“Give me my book back please” I ask him in a small voice.

He still has a malicious grin on his face.

“You can come get it if you want.”

I roll my eyes and nervously bite my lower lip.

“Come on Even, can we stop this?”

I reach for the book, which is resting on one of his legs. But before I can touch it, he takes it away and places his hand on top of mine. My heartbeat gets ridiculously fast. I look up to meet his beautiful blue eyes. His face looks a little more serious now.

“Come on Isak, can we stop pretending we don’t like each other?”

I quickly get my hand away from his, as if his touch was burning me. I open my mouth to respond but end up closing it and looking away.

“Hey, you two! What do you think you’re doing?” A harsh voice yells from behind us.

I jump away from Even. He looks confused.

The supervisor is now standing in front of us. He is tall and has dark hair. I look up at him with fear in my eyes. He crosses his arms.

“Were you two _holding hands_?” The man asks with a disgusted expression.

I nervously blink my eyes a couple of times. Even stands up and crosses his arms. He looks like he’s about to confront the guy. I look at him in terror.

“Dude, what we were doing is none of—” Even starts to say.

“You sit back down sir.” The tall man pushes Even’s shoulders, making him sit down on the couch, “you shut your mouth when I’m talking to you, got it?” He adds.

I hold my breath. Even looks scared now. _Good,_ I think to myself. Nothing good ever comes when we confront them.

“Tell me your names” The man demands while grabbing a small notebook and a pen from his back pocket.

“Isak Valtersen” I respond, looking at my feet.

Even doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. I poke him on the ribs with my elbow.

“E-Even Bech Næsheim” he says in a small voice.

The man writes our names down. I know what that means and I’m not happy about it.

“Both of you sissies will serve detention in room 486 tonight at 19:00” he states.

Almost everyone in the room is looking at us now. I wish I could disappear.

“But that’s dinner time sir” Even looks up at him.

The dark haired man looks at us with a evil grin on his face.

“Well, that’s just too bad, isn’t it?” He shoots his eyebrows up and walks away from us.

My heartbeat is still very irregular, as well as my breathing. I slowly look at Even, who seems to be in shock. The blond boy is staring at his lap. Suddenly, I feel anger. All of this is his fault. Why couldn’t he just have listened to me?

I scan the room to check if the other students are still staring at us, but they seem to have lost interest once the supervisor left. I let out a loud breath and grab my backpack from the floor. Even is looking at me now. He seems sad.

“Isak, wait.” He tries to touch my arm but I move it away from him.

I from my eyebrows and glare at him. I could feel my anger taking over now.

“That’s why I said you need to be more _fucking_ careful Even!” My voice is very low but full of annoyance. Even looks even more sad. “If you want to fuck around and get detention, by all means, go ahead! But don’t drag me along with you!”

I wish I could scream at him, but I don’t want to draw people’s attention again. So I just pack my things and leave the room. Even looks like a lost puppy, which is really fucking unfair.

 

* * *

I walk to my dormitory trying not to blow up with so much annoyance and anger inside me. How dare him look so sad? It’s his own damn fault! Maybe I should just stay away from this dude. I mean we’ve been friends for 3 days and I already got detention because of him.

I place my backpack on the floor next to my bed then throw myself on the mattress. My breathing is still pretty irregular so I try to focus on it for a moment. That’s something my mom used to make me do when I got too angry as a kid. The dorm is thankfully empty right now, which doesn’t happen very often. So I place my face on my pillow and let out a very loud scream. That seems to help.

A few minutes later, Jonas walks in the room, with a worried look on his face.

“Are you ok?” He asks me while standing near the door.

I turn to my side so I can look at my friend, and nod my head in a affirmative motion. Jonas doesn’t seem convinced. He walks up to me slowly and sits on my bed.

“I heard you and this other guy got detention for holding hands?” It sounds like a question.

The curly haired boy frowns his eyebrows. I avoid his eyes and stare at the floor.

“I know it must suck to not be able to be who you are in here, but… you need to be careful Izzy.”

I look up to meet his eyes. He’s worried. I sit up.

“I know! It wasn’t my fault! If he had only listened to me, none of this would have happened!” I say in a angry and frustrating tone.

Jonas seems confused. He knows I’m too upset to argue right now so he decides to, slightly, change the subject.

“Who is this mysterious boy anyway?”

I completely forgot Jonas haven’t met Even yet. He spent the weekend away with his family and I spent most of my free time after classes with Even yesterday.

“His name is Even, we just started talking like 3 days ago” I respond, avoiding his eyes.

A malicious grin shows up on Jonas face.

“Oh I see… And you were holding hands with him today” He smiles.

I roll my eyes and push on his shoulders lightly.

“No. He grabbed my hand and the supervisor freaked out. That’s it, end of story.”

Jonas still has that stupid grin on.

“Sure, sure, if you say so” he chuckles.

I ran a hand through my hair and stare at him with an annoyed face.

“Besides, I don’t plan on talking to him anymore if he plans on being so stupid and careless so, don’t go getting any ideas” I let out a loud breath.

Jonas gets up from my bed and sits down on his, right next to mine.

“Well, you still have detention with him tonight. So, you’ll probably have to talk to him” he giggles.

He’s having too much fun with this.

“Not if I can help it.”

 

* * *

 

At 18:45 I decide to start walking towards room 486, which was on the fourth floor. I am proud to say I’ve never been sent to detention before, but I’ve heard rumors about what they make you do. Most of the time they ask students to clean a room or maybe even a whole floor. I am pretty certain I’m not going to need my school bag but I decide to bring it anyway. Just in case.  

When I get to the classroom, I can see Even standing at the door. He looks like he’s waiting for someone. The blond boy’s face brightens up when he sees me. He takes a step closer to me and seems like he’s about to say something. But before he has the chance to, I walk past him and sit on one of the wooden chairs in the room. I’m not in the mood for this right now. I just want this day to be over already.

I place my bookbag on the desk in front of me and look around. I can see two other people also waiting to serve detention. Even walks in the room with his head down and takes a seat a few rows behind me. He looks sad. I get this weird feeling on my chest and throat when I think about him being sad. Ugh. Why do I care about this guy? I just met him.

At 19:01, a woman, whom I could recognize as a freshman biology teacher, walks in. She’s very short and skinny. Her hair is grey, her nose is very long, and she’s wearing a pair of dark pants and a dark blazer. She doesn’t look like someone you would want to be friends with. The teacher places a red purse on her desk and turns her attention to us.

“Very well, I assume you all know why you’re here tonight. You may not talk to me or one another. If you decide to do so, you will get another day of detention. I want all of you to open your notebooks and write “I shouldn’t break rules” on 5 whole pages. Once you’re done, I want you to get the cleaning supplies that are waiting for you in the hallway and clean this floor’s restroom. You may begin now.”

The woman said all of this with an emotionless tone. She then sat on the chair behind her desk, grabbed a magazine from her purse and began reading it. Everyone in the room started reaching for their notebooks. I opened my backpack and grabbed mine. I could hear the small scratching noises of everybody’s pens writing on the paper. I once again, wished this night could just be over.

When I was done writing my 5 pages, I didn’t really know what to do. I wasn’t allowed to talk to the teacher or my classmates. Should I just get up and wait outside? Most of the students seemed to be done with their writing as well. My eyes searched the room with curiosity, wondering if anyone was going to be brave enough to do something.

I notice Even’s eyes on me, but immediately look away. I turn back on my chair and look at the teacher. I stare at her for a whole minute, she just keeps on going through the pages of her magazine. Suddenly a wave of courage runs through my body. I get up, bring the 5 pages with me, place it on her desk and walk towards the door.

I mean, someone had to do something eventually. Otherwise, we would all just sit there forever. My action doesn’t seem to bother the teacher, I take that as a good sign. I look back into the classroom from the hallway. All the other students are placing their notebook pages on her desk and walking outside. When all of them are standing in the corridor, I walk up to the 4 sets of brooms and buckets that are right outside classroom 486.

“I guess we go to the restroom now” I say to my classmates.

They all nod but don’t actually reply with words. Even starts to walk in my direction. I grab one of the brooms and move away from him. That makes the funny feeling on my chest and throat come back. I hate that feeling.

We all clean the bathroom in a very awkward silence. I think we all just want this to be over. All the stalls and sinks seems to be decently cleaned after about 30 minutes or so.

“Should we just bring those back?” A short boy with red hair asks me.

He looks like a freshman.

“I guess so” I reply.

The 4 of us walk all the way back. We were a pitiful group of people, if I ever saw one in my life. Everyone looked tired and done. I bet all of them just wanted to go to bed at this point.

The boys and I leave the brooms and buckets where we found them. The teacher is waiting for us next to the classroom’s door.

“You may go now” the woman says.

She then turns around and gets back in the room. Strange. I was used to it by now though, everything around here is weird. I walk in to get my bag. The boys followed me. When did I become the leader? I hope they know I don’t know what I’m doing.

Once I have my bag, I walk to the hallway and begin moving on the direction of my dorm. I can hear someone’s footsteps close behind me. Then suddenly, Even shows up in front of me, making me stop walking.

“Isak, can we talk for a second?” The blond boy asks me.

He looks sad. I avoid his eyes.

“I guess” I respond.

He takes a deep breath then pulls me to a corner where the light doesn’t really shine.

“Look, I’m sorry if I was too forward. I didn’t mean to get us both in detention ok? I promise I’ll be more careful. I was just curious, because what you said abou—”

I shake my hands in front of my face to get him to stop talking.

“What do you want me to say Even? That I like you? That I think you’re hot as hell? It’s true, I do think that. And maybe if we weren’t in here our story could be different” I throw my hands up in a frustrated gesture, “ _Hell,_ I would love if our story could be different. But we’re in here, and it’s not different!  So, please just forget about it and leave me alone.”

Even opens his mouth to say something but ends up closing it. He looks so sad. I can’t handle staring at him. So I do what every reasonable person would do. I run away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand that's it for today!  
> thank you so much for the kudos and comments on the first chapter, I really really appreciate it.  
> I hope you continue to enjoy the story.  
> please leave a comment if you like this at all!  
> i'll be back soon :)


	3. Midnight Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the longer wait :(  
> my peace offering is this extra long chapter with lots of fluff.  
> i hope you enjoy it <3

It’s been a few days since I decided to ignore Even. I gotta admit, it hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would. He seemed to be everywhere, all of the sudden. Those damn blue eyes always seem to find me. 

“I think you’re being too harsh on him” Jonas says one morning during breakfast. 

I put my apple down and stare at the boy in front of me.

“What?” He asks with food in his mouth. 

I chuckle. Jonas loves food more than anything in the world. 

“You’re suppose to take my side Jonas!” I roll my eyes. 

He shrugs his shoulders and continue to work on his sandwich.

“All I’m saying is that I think you should stop ignoring him. People make mistakes you know.” 

Ugh. I hate this. Why is he suddenly Even’s defensor? He’s suppose to be  _ my  _ best friend! 

“You don’t even know him” I say, sounding annoyed. 

“Actually, we have anatomy together. I mean, we’re not friends or anything, but he seems pretty nice.” The boy says it as a matter of factly. 

I blink my eyes a couple of times and place my gaze on him. 

“What? Why didn’t you tell me this before?” I ask in a louder tone. 

I don’t know why this bothers me so much. 

“Does it matter?” Jonas asks with frowned eyebrows. 

He stares at me, looking confused. I sustain his gaze for a couple of seconds but end up looking down at my food. 

“I guess not.” 

 

* * *

I can’t quite understand why the fact that Jonas and Even have a class together irritates me so much, but it sure does. Am I jealous? That’s ridiculous, I’m not jealous. I can talk to Even if I want to, I’m choosing not to. Which means I don’t care, which also means that _ I am not jealous.  _

I spend the rest of the day trying to ignore all of the feelings that suddenly are living inside my chest. I don’t like dealing with those. Feelings are overrated if you ask me. 

When I’m walking out of my first class of the day, I see Jonas and Even outside the anatomy classroom. They seem to be… chatting?  _ I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.  _ Why does Jonas get to spend time with him? That’s unfair and stupid! I try to tell myself that I do not care but, my heartbeat seems to be thinking otherwise. I walk away from them before my body decides to explode or something. 

Wow, I really need to get my shit together.

My mood is terrible during the whole day. I avoid talking or making eye contact with anyone as much as I can. I wish I didn’t live in this stupid place. It’s bad enough that I have to go to school here. I don’t want to also sleep and wake up and have breakfast with these boys. I can’t wait for the school year to be over. 

 

* * *

At around 19:00 I decide to go to the cafeteria to get something to eat. I grab a bowl with pasta and meatballs. I can’t see Jonas anywhere so I sit by myself at our usual table. I wish I could just take the food up to my dorm, but obviously that’s not allowed.  

I see Even walk in a few minutes later. My eyes follow him around the room, and as usual, he seems to notice. He looks back and smiles. I look down at my tray. The blond boy seems to be a little brighter tonight, I notice. Maybe I’m overreacting over this whole thing. Maybe I should just listen to Jonas and talk to Even after all. 

My phone makes a little familiar noise, which interrupts my thoughts and brings me back to reality. I blink a few times and check on it. I see a text from Jonas that says:

**“Can you check if I forgot my earbuds in your backpack please?”**

That’s weird. Why would Jonas put his earbuds in my bag for Christ’s sake? I decide to check anyway. I look in the big compartment, where I usually put my books, but don’t see any sign of it. Then I open the smaller compartment at the front. I don’t see his earbuds, but I do find a notebook page folded a bunch of times until it looks like a small square. I don’t remember putting it in here. I look at it for a couple of seconds. Curiosity takes the best of me and I end up grabbing the paper. I unfold it a couple of times, until it looks like a regular notebook page again. On the middle of the page I read “ _ Meet me at the south gate at midnight”. _

Is this a prank? 

My eyes run through every table in the cafeteria. I’m certain I’ll find a group of boys laughing at me somewhere, but I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. I text Jonas asking what the hell is this about, to which he responds with: 

**“I don’t know what are you talking about.”**

Needless to say, I don’t believe him. 

I try to focus on finishing my dinner but it’s hard not to think about it. Who sent this? Was it Even? My stomach starts to feel funny at the thought. But what if it isn’t Even? It could very well be a prank. I don’t think I’ll go meet this person. That seems like the beginning of a bad movie. Guy gets a note asking to meet someone at midnight, he goes thinking it’s his crush but it’s actually someone who’s gonna beat him up or something of the kind. Not that I have a crush on Even, because I definitely do not. 

When it’s obvious that I won’t be able to finish my food, I get up and walk towards the dormitories. At this time of the night everyone is either in their dorm or at the common areas watching TV and hanging out. I’m not in the mood to be around people so I decide to go shower. I stop by my room to get my toiletry bag, sweatpants and a shirt. The bathrooms are very crowded at this time of the night too, but I decide go shower anyway. 

When I’m done showering and brushing my teeth, I walk back to my room. Jonas is sitting on his bed. I move towards him while running a towel through my hair a couple of times. The dark haired boy smiles when he sees me. I smile back, reach for the front pocket of my backpack and give him the mysterious note. 

His eyebrows go all the way up and a grin shows up on his face. 

“Interesting. Are you going?” He seems to be trying to hold back a smile. 

I narrow my eyes at him. He knows something he’s not telling me. 

“I don’t think so” I respond. 

Jonas blinks a few times and looks surprised. 

“Oh. Why not?” 

I continue to look at him with narrowed eyes. 

“Why do you care?” I grab the paper from his hand abruptly.

He avoids my eyes. 

“Um… I don’t. I-I’m just curious.”

I can’t help but chuckle. 

“Jonas you’re the worst liar in the world! Just tell me what this is about already!” I throw my hands up in frustration.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

The boy is now very entertained by his cellphone.

“Ok, then I’m not going to meet this person. It could very well be a prank or someone who wants to beat me up” I state calmly.

Jonas looks up from his phone. He seems to be looking for the right words. 

“Alright look, I might know what this is about” he shrugs his shoulders and looks upset. 

“What a surprise!” I place a hand on my mouth and pretend to be shocked. 

He rolls his eyes.

“I’m not suppose to tell you anything though! Just trust me and go meet the guy. I promise you’re not gonna get beat up or anything.”

He has a stupid grin on his face. 

“I’ll think about it” I tell him. 

Jonas laughs.

“We all know you’re going Isak.”

Well,  _ maybe _ I had already made up my mind but he doesn’t need to know that. If Jonas says it’s ok then I don’t see why I shouldn’t go. I know he wouldn’t let me put myself in danger. But, making up my mind means now I get to be nervous about this whole thing. I’m 99% sure I’m meeting Even but what if I’m not? Thinking about that possibility makes me realize I  _ want _ it to be Even. If it ends up not being him I’ll just… awkwardly run away. 

Yep, sounds like a plan. 

* * *

I spend the rest of the night in the library. The common areas are too crowded for my liking, as well as my dorm. So I just bring my backpack to the library and decide to do some homework. My God, I’m such a nerd. 

Time seems to be going by excruciatingly slowly tonight. I swear I’ve been sitting here for at least 5 hours. 

When it’s  _ finally _ 23:45 I put my books in my bag and start to walk towards my room. Most of the students are already asleep. I walk in the dorm trying to make as little noise as possible. I put my backpack under my bed, and decide to stop by the bathroom. 

“Isak, is that you?” I hear Jonas’ whisper. 

I look back at our beds. He’s sitting up. 

“Yes” I whisper back. 

The lights are off so I can’t see him very well but I think he’s smiling. 

“Good luck tonight. Be careful.” He says in a more serious tone. 

I smile back at him. 

“Always” I respond. 

He lays back on his bed and I continue to walk towards the bathroom. I get close to one of the sinks, wash my face and run my hands through my hair a couple of times. I also decide to wear jeans instead of my sweatpants. My heartbeat is faster than usual, my hands are starting to sweat. I really need to calm down. 

When I’m done getting ready, I look at myself in the mirror one last time and walk outside the dormitory. I walk carefully trying not to make a lot of noise. Our curfew is midnight, so if any of the school employees see me, I will have to go back to my room and possibly get detention. I take a route that is known for not having supervisors at night. Thankfully I am able to get outside the building without running into anyone.

I slowly walk through a flower garden trying to keep myself away from the lights. When I’m able to see the south gate, I begin to look around, searching for another person. I take a few steps closer to it. I can now see a blond head somewhere in the dark. He’s leaning against the brick wall that separates us from the outside world. The boy looks like a goddamn model, as always. I slowly walk towards him. 

“Hi Even” I say very quietly. 

The blond boy smiles. 

“Hi Isak” 

My heart is beating like crazy, my stomach is doing backflips, my hands are shaking. 

“So, what is this about?” 

I ask, looking at my feet and putting my hands in my pockets. Even continues to smile. He is literally the hottest human being on the planet earth. I think I might faint if I look at him too much. 

“Well, I’ve noticed that none of the supervisors pay much attention to the south gate after 23:00. And it’s surprisingly very easy to open it without the actual key.” 

The boy says with a grin on his face. He takes a step closer to me. I notice he smells like shampoo and flowers. I’m so nervous I think I might explode. 

“Ok…?” I say. 

Even reaches for the back pocket of his jeans and holds a bobby pin in front of his face. 

“You told me things could be different if we were outside. So… Isak Valtersen, would you give me the honor of going outside with me?” 

He asks more quietly. The boy looks nervous now. I can’t help but smile at him. 

“Even, we can’t do that. What if someone sees us coming back?” 

I try to be reasonable but the stupid smile doesn’t leave my lips. Even gets even closer now and touches my arm lightly. I feel like my whole body is burning. 

“Isak, I’ve been doing this for a few nights now. I pinky promise we won’t get caught.”

He looks very serious and offers me his pinky finger. A laugh comes out of me before I can help myself. I’m starting to believe this guy is too perfect to be true. I interwine his pinky finger with mine for a few seconds and look up at him. I didn’t realize we were this close. 

“So…?” He asks me. 

I sustain his gaze for a moment and smile. 

“Fuck it” I respond. 

“Yes!” Even says a little too loudly and grins. 

“Sshh” 

I place my right hand on his mouth and and laugh quietly. Even starts to laugh as well. He takes my hand from his lips, but doesn’t let it go. Instead, he holds it and pushes my back against the wall. I stop laughing and stare and his beautiful blue eyes. His body is very, very close to mine. He seems to be examining my face. One of his hands reaches my cheek and I close my eyes at his touch. 

When I open them again, I notice Even leaning closer to my face. I suddenly get even more nervous and take a step away from him. 

“We should go” I say, staring at my shoes. 

Even looks a bit disappointed, but rapidly has a smile on his face again. 

“Right, we should.”

 

* * *

 

Once we manage to open the gate and quickly get out of the school, adrenaline starts to pump through my veins. We’re outside, we don’t have to follow stupid rules or behave a certain way. This is exciting! 

When we’re a couple of blocks away from the school, Even slows down the pace and holds my arm, making me stop walking. 

“I just want us both to be on the same page here so, I gotta ask you something.”

The blond boy says with frowned eyebrows. He looks a little worried. 

“Go ahead” 

Even is clearly nervous. He’s avoiding my eyes and looking at his shoes. 

“This is a date right? Like, the romantic type?” 

I can’t help but chuckle at him. 

“You’re cute, you know” I tell him with a grin. 

He smiles but then frowns his eyebrows again. 

“You didn’t answer…” 

I roll my eyes. 

“Yes Even, this is officially a date” I answer. “The romantic type” I add with a laugh. 

As soon as the words come out of my mouth, his face brightens up and the biggest smile shows up on his face. I can feel my heart beating faster again. Maybe this isn’t so impossible after all. 

 

* * *

Turns out Even has this whole night planned out. I’m trying very hard not to fall for this guy but it’s getting harder and harder. First he took us to a grocery store so we could get snacks. I ended up getting some chips, and a soda. He laughed at my choice of midnight snack and chose a bowl of fruit and some juice for himself, which made me laugh. 

We are now sitting on a bench at a park not too far from school. Everything is very quiet due to the time. For a moment I let myself imagine Even and I are the only people in the world. The thought gives me a warm feeling and I end up getting closer to him on the bench. Even smiles and puts his arm around me. 

“So, how are you liking the Elite School For Boys, Mr Bech Næsheim?” 

I ask with a grin. Even chuckles. 

“Well, it’s not exactly Hogwarts, is it?” 

I laugh at that.

“Nope, it sure isn’t.” 

He looks down at me with a smile. I’m about to melt away when I stare at his eyes. 

“At least we graduate soon, I’m trying to focus on that” Even tells me. 

I know the feelings. All I want is to graduate and get the hell out of that school. But I gotta admit, being here with him tonight is making me feel happier than I’ve been in a while. 

“Thank you for getting me out of there tonight.”

I tell him sincerely. He looks happy.

“No problem, I think we both needed it.” 

I nod in agreement. It’s probably true. I look up to meet his eyes and notice he already has his gaze on me. I’m suddenly very aware of how close to each other we are. I can feel his chest moving with every breath. Even’s eyes go down to my lips. I can feel my hands starting to shake and my heartbeat going crazy. Our faces are less than an inch away from each other. The blond boy licks his lips and looks up at my eyes once again. 

“Isak, I really,  _ really _ want to kiss you right now. Is that ok?” 

I can feel my blood freeze in my veins. I don’t trust myself to say anything so I nod at him. Even then places a hand on my neck, his palm is cold but it feels good. His other hand goes to my waist. My body goes from frozen to burning all over. Wherever he touches me catches on flames. 

His lips touch mine very lightly at first, like he’s scared I’ll run away from him at any moment. I place a hand on the back of his neck and pull him closer, letting him know I’m ok with this. Even then kisses me more passionately, pulling me even closer to him. For a moment, I completely forget we’re at a public park. I open up my lips and slowly caress Even’s tongue with mine. He seems to like that very much. I ran my hands through his hair, then all the way through his torso. 

Even carefully pushes me on the bench and is pretty much on top of me now. He lifts up my shirt just enough to get his hands on my skin, which makes me let out a loud breath. Even smiles in between kisses. I decide to take revenge and also put one of my hands inside his shirt, but unlike him I ran it all the way down his pants. I can tell he is hard right away. I stop kissing him and look at him with a grin. 

“Someone’s happy to see me” I tease. 

He smiles back and begins to leave a patch of kisses on my neck. I can’t help but moan and grab his hair. 

Suddenly, without much reasoning, I begin to feel very weird. I become very aware of the fact that we are at a public place, even though it’s like 1 in the morning. My head feels a little lighter and my chest feels heavier. Even notices right away and looks down at me. 

“What’s wrong?” 

I push him away lightly and sit up on the bench. 

“I’m sorry, I just… It’s nothing, don’t worry about it” I lie. 

The blond boy holds my hand. 

“Was I going too fast? I’m sorry, I mean we are at a public park for God’s sake. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I didn’t mean to pressure you in anyway—” 

He’s speaking very fast and seems to be freaking himself out, so I decide to squeeze his hand and interrupt. 

“That’s not it Even. You didn’t pressure me. I like kissing you, like a lot” I smile. “I’m just…” 

I take a deep breath before continuing. 

“This is all very new to me. I grew up in a very homophobic family. They sent me to that school because I told them I thought I had feelings for one of my friends. I’ve never had a proper boyfriend or anything. You’re like the third boy I’ve ever kissed, so things can get a little too overwhelming very quickly for me. And even though now I know gay is ok and all of that, there’s still a little part of me that yells in my head whenever I have feelings towards a boy.” 

I notice a few tears starting to show up in my eyes and try to blink them away. Even looks sad. He puts an arm around me again. 

“I’m sorry things haven’t been easy for you Isak. I promise that  _ this  _ can go as slow as you want. And feel free to yell at me if I ever do something you’re not in the mood for.” 

I chuckle. He’s being so nice, I wanna cry. What did I do to deserve this lovely boy?

“Thank you.” 

I lean my head up towards him and place a soft kiss on his cheek, which makes him smile.

We decide to go back to the school shortly after our talk. We hold hands the whole way there. I can’t help the cheesy smile that shows up on my face whenever I look up at him. Maybe this is not such a bad idea after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for today! i mean that was pretty cute wasn't it? Isak is finally allowing himself to feel things and all. we got to know a little bit more about how he's actually feeling and everything. next chapter we're gonna learn a bit more about Even's background and how he's dealing with his new life.  
> thank you for the kudos and comments!  
> please leave a comment if you enjoy this at all.  
> i'll be back soon!


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